PAUL AND SHIRLEY TOGETHER - COURTSHIP AND MARRIAGE 1964 - 1971

Brigham Young University Freshman Welcome Dance, August 1964 - He was tall, blond and good looking and, of course, I noticed him right off from across the dance floor.  We had both come to the dance for different reasons. Paul came with his brother, both being seniors, to check out the new freshman girls. I had borrowed a friend’s car so I could bring my freshman roommate. I could tell he had noticed me, too, but he wasn’t making much attempt to ask me to dance. I decided to take matters into my own hands. I turned down the opportunity to dance with another young man and moved closer to Paul to make it real easy for him to approach me. He finally did and we danced the rest of the night. I left the dance hoping he would call and ask me out.  When I returned to my apartment and told my other roommates about this good looking boy I had met, whose name was Paul Millar, they quickly asked if it was the same Paul Millar who played on the BYU basketball team. It was, although I didn’t know that until later. He did call and we went out several times. I remember laughing a lot when I was with him. He was so much fun to be around. I could tell he liked me and wanted to be with me but, after several dates, he had yet to kiss me. I remember that because, in our apartment, anytime we were kissed for the first time by a boy we had to buy ice cream for all the roommates. Every time Paul and I went out, the first questioned asked, upon my return home, was, “Do you owe us ice cream yet?” It was a great day when I had to go to the store and buy a half gallon of ice cream for the roommates. One date, in particular, stands out in my mind. It was a few weeks before Christmas break. We went with a group to cut down a Christmas tree for our apartment. We drove to Payson canyon and, of course, we had to tromp through lots snow to get the perfect tree. I don’t think we had a permit to cut a tree so I remember being worried about the legality of what we were doing. We brought the tree home and set it up. The whole group stayed and we had a party decorating the tree. We popped popcorn and strung it as we had very few other decorations. It was hilarious seeing big college men, wielding a needle and thread through little pieces of popcorn. Christmas break came and it meant saying good bye to Paul for a few weeks.  On our last date, before I left for California, Paul gave me a huge stuffed lion. He named him HeeRee (a favorite expression of a few of his roommates). He wrote a note to inform me that HeeRee was my protector while I was gone so I’d come back safe and sound to him. I returned to BYU after the holiday, to get ready to go on a five month tour of the Middle East and Europe with the US State Department. I had mixed feeling about going as I was really falling in love with Paul. I had been dating other boys the whole time I was dating Paul but had decided over Christmas break that I really cared about Paul and no one else. I decided I would break it off with all the other boys which I did as soon as I returned to Provo. Paul asked me out soon after that and I could tell something was bothering him. As we began to talk, it was obvious he was upset because he thought I was still dating other people. It was then I told him I had broken it off with everyone and wanted to date only him. From that time on we were together exclusively…..at least for the few weeks before I left on a five month tour with Program Bureau.

We said good bye in February and, for the next 5 months, we could only communicate via letters. Paul continued his schooling, graduating in June. I danced with BYU’s variety show tour group for the people in 25 different countries throughout the Middle East and Europe.  We were on a tour for the State Department and so had many opportunities to speak with local university students, hopefully spreading a message of good will from the United States. We even performed for many dignitaries, including King Hussein of Jordan. I returned in July of 1965 and was met at the airport in Salt Lake City by my parents and family. Of course, I was anxious for them to get to know Paul so I arranged for him to come on a picnic in one of the Salt Lake canyons with my family. It was really a test to see how Paul related to my younger brothers. I wanted to see what kind of a father he would be. He passed the test marvelously as I watched him play with them the whole day. I left with my parents to return to Bakersfield, California and Paul stayed in Utah where he took over his father’s apple orchard to secure money for the next year. In August, he came to Bakersfield to ask for my hand in marriage. It was the most humid weather ever experienced in Bakersfield and we only had a swamp cooler in our home, which made matters worse. We went to an outdoor play at the Bakersfield Junior College football stadium and were miserable the whole time. Paul did not love Bakersfield but he still loved me and did what he came to do – ask permission to marry me. Paul officially asked me to marry him in my living room late one night and we set the date of December 22, 1965 to be married.

I returned to Utah at the end of August, a week or two before school started. I missed Paul and wanted to be with him but I also needed Paul’s mom’s help making my wedding dress. I had decided to sew my own dress when I found a pattern with which I feel in love. My parents took me to Los Angeles where I purchased velvet for the dress and an elegant lace for the overcoat and veil. I didn’t dare start the dress without Paul’s mom’s direction. She became my chief sewing consultant. I stayed at Paul’s home and while I sewed, Paul was off working at Pittsburg Desmoine Steel. The apple crop he had been counting on to help support us, after we were married, had been damaged in a hail storm. The apples were not worth what they normally would have been because of the damage. By working in the steel fabrication plant, Paul did earn good money but he had to sleep during the day and go to work late at night, working the graveyard shift. He would come home with his face totally covered in soot except where his goggles had been…not what he wanted to do the rest of his life. On one of Paul’s days off, we traveled to Salt Lake City to purchase wedding rings. As soon as I put one ring on, I knew it was the perfect engagement/wedding ring. It had a diamond in the center with smaller diamonds down both sides of the band. The wedding ring was a full band of diamonds. It was a very traditional look. I wanted to look really married and this ring did the trick.  We also found Paul’s wedding band.  Now we were officially engaged.

In September, we both started school again. Paul was working on his master’s in accountancy and I was trying to catch up the semester I had missed while on tour. I lived in the Canyon Terrace apartments and Paul lived at the King Henry apartments.  He got a taste of my cooking skills when I agreed to cook for him and his roommates for a few months. I guess I must have passed the cooking test as he still wanted to marry me. On one of our dates, Paul decided to cook for me. He set up his apartment with a real romantic atmosphere, low lights and soft music. He set a nice table and sat me down to the table as a gentleman should. Then he brought out the meal. I’m sure there was a green salad and baked potato but what I remember the most was the steak. He had taken all the pains to grill it just perfectly. The only problem was that he had purchased a round steak, not a grilling steak. Needless to say it was extremely tough. We’ve laughed a lot about it over the years. We totally enjoyed being together and our courtship was filled with lots of laughter. Paul had funny sayings that were so totally him. He would always say ‘HeeRee’ in a sheepish voice when something he did or said wasn’t quite right. His pronunciation of four or forty four or four hundred forty four always made me smile.

We found a basement apartment in Orem to rent.  It was the full basement of a home with its own outside entrance. It had two bedrooms, one bath, a kitchen and a living room.  We didn’t have much in the way of furniture but had been given a beige couch and gold chair from his mom. Our kitchen table was the kind with metal legs and a gray Formica top. It only had two chairs. They were metal with yellow plastic seats.  Lovely!  We had an old double size bed and had to purchase a chest of drawers with wedding gift money. Needless to say we were in hopes for practical wedding gifts….appliances, pots and pans, dishes, etc. because we had nothing.

At Christmas break, I left for California to make the final arrangements for our wedding. On December 22, 1965, we met in the Los Angeles temple to be married.  Both Paul and I received our own endowments on that day. Following the endowment session, my grandfather, Joel Richards, sealed us for time and all eternity. My mom’s parents, Dad Elggren and Aunt Olive, were in attendance as was my Grandma Richards. Both Paul parents and my parents were with us as were Sonnie and Jim.  After the wedding, we went to lunch at a nearby restaurant. We had our reception scheduled that night in Bakersfield so it was important to leave the LA area early enough to make it to Bakersfield in time for the planned festivities. When we got to the top of the famous grapevine pass, we were informed that we needed chains to get down the mountain pass as it was snowing heavily. We were driving a 1956 blue and white ford, with no chains. Paul’s commented to the officer who stopped us that he was from Utah and knew how to drive in the snow. The officer’s reply was that he didn’t care where we were from, we couldn’t go on without chains and would have to turn around. The only other way home was through Paso Robles, adding many hours to our already tightly scheduled trip. Dad had somehow gotten past the road block and leaned out his window to motion us to follow him. We did just that…trailing his taillights all the way down the grapevine in a blizzard. We had no heater or defroster so we were truly following Dad blindly in the storm. I remember thinking, “I’m glad we were just sealed in the temple for time and all eternity because if we die in this storm, at least we’re assured to be together forever.” We did arrive in Bakersfield safely but we were very much behind schedule. Mom had arranged for a buffet to be set out at our home before the reception for all those in the wedding party. It was eaten quickly and we all rushed across the street to get ready for the reception. A few of my bridesmaids were coming from Los Angeles, too, and we were concerned if they were going to make it but they did, just in time. We had arranged for the recreation hall at the church to be decorated while we were at the temple so I was very anxious to see how it all looked. Everything was done as I had planned so all we had to do was get dressed and enjoy the evening. Paul and I couldn’t afford a professional photographer so we relied on his brother in law, Bill, to take pictures throughout the night - a big mistake we realize now as we look back on those small snapshots and wish we had some large photographs of the two of us as a couple on our wedding day. The reception was fun with long lines waiting to congratulate us. I remember when a Brother and Sister Grubbs came through and were introduced, Paul had the hardest time not laughing at their name. Half way through the evening, we broke the line for a short program and to cut the cake.  Sonnie and Jim read a script they’d prepared about our meeting and courtship. Paul even cried. There were a couple of musical numbers and, we cut the cake. Of course, it got all over us. After all the guest had come through the line and most had gone, Paul and I changed to leave. I had made a green and white wool dress as a going away outfit. As we left the church, rice was thrown and I remember thinking how it really hurt when it hit us. Our car was parked out front and all decorated. As we jumped in the car, someone shoved some pieces of wedding cake in for us to eat later. It got all over us and make a big mess in our car. As we headed down the road, we realized that someone had tampered with the distributor cap so instead of leaving in a burst of speed, we barely putted along. Obviously, we had to stop and fix that. There were several cars that followed us for a while but we were able to ditch them. We had decided to go the Tam O’ Shanter’s, a popular restaurant, for a bite to eat before going to our hotel room.  When we finally got in the restaurant, we were dripping rice all over the floor and had to go the restroom to wash the cake frosting off our clothing. After a completely full day, it was nice to unwind and relax over dinner.  We spent our first night together at the Royal Palms hotel. The next day, we went back home and unwrapped gifts before heading south to the Ambassador Hotel in Hollywood.

Our honeymoon was spent in California, traveling up to San Francisco after a couple of days in Los Angeles. While in San Francisco, we visited the wax museum and the wharf, rode the trolleys, and drove the winding road. Our plan was to drive to Lake Tahoe and stay in a cabin we had arranged for there. It started to rain as we left San Francisco and by the time we hit the mountains, it was snow. We had purchased chains and had to stop and put them on half way across the pass. When a man offered to put them on for us, we gladly let him, only to find out he expected to be paid. We gave him twenty dollars. After that, we literally followed a snow plow across the pass, again with no heater or defroster.  When we got to the turn off for Lake Tahoe, we passed it right up and headed for Reno and, hopefully, less snow. Our romantic cabin stay by the lake was exchanged for a one night stay in one of the gambling capitals of the country. We got in late and were tired, so after a quick dinner we went to bed.  The next morning, we got up and headed home to Utah, two days early. We had had enough snow for one honeymoon.

We had one more wedding event planned – an open house in Utah for family and friends there. It was held at a reception hall in Orem. Lots of Paul’s family members were in attendance as well as his high school and college friends. That reception was a lot easier on Paul than the one in Bakersfield had been, as he had known no one there. My grandparents and several aunts and uncles came to wish us well along with a few of my college friends. It was a wonderful night.

We settled into our first home and I decorated with lots of our wedding gifts. It was a comfortable place to live and soon became a special place to us. We loved our neighbors who all seemed to be in our same circumstances…relatively newly married and struggling financially.  Some were beginning to have children. Most were still going to school just like Paul and I. We shared many meals together and an occasional party hosted by one of us. Of course, we were all LDS and attended the same ward which made it really nice. Paul and I enjoyed attending a family ward and serving in ward callings for the first time as a married couple.

It was amazing how much higher my grades were once I was married. It was easy to study with Paul and not have to worry about a social life. I was also able to manage the housewife duties…cooking and cleaning. About my cooking skills – I was an okay cook but my recipe repertoire was limited. One thing I knew I could cook was spaghetti, especially using a packet of spaghetti seasoning. The first time I cooked it for us, I realized I didn’t have a pot big enough to boil noodles. As I was rummaging through the cupboard, I found a large Pyrex baking dish. My reasoning was that if it could go in a 450 degree oven then it surely could withstand the stove heat to bring water to a boil at 365 degrees or whatever the boiling point is for water. I hadn’t taken into account that to get to boiling point, the pan on the burner had to withstand much higher temperatures. Needless to say, before the water boiled, the pan exploded. It was a big mess to clean up. What a way to impress my new husband. Luckily, we were not having guests and I only had to explain my fiasco to him.

The owners of our apartment lived upstairs and had a cat. He was a big furry cat that loved to come downstairs and into our living room. It seemed he was always at our door in the basement stairwell whenever we arrived home. We would let him in and he soon became a part of our family. It was then that I realized how much Paul loved cats, all kinds. I warmed up to them, too, even though I had been raised with dogs.We eventually got a cat of our own, a Siamese cat, we called Kitty as no other name seemed to stick.

Money was always scarce at this time of our life. Paul was working part time and we were both trying to go to school. We had to stick to a strict budget but, sometimes, we needed to splurge. When those moments came, we would search the house for spare change. Under the couch cushions often was productive. When could find 25 cents, we were thrilled because that meant we could go to the store and buy a quart of soda and a twinkie.  We were in seventh heaven at those times. Oh, the simple things that bring us joy.

When the spring semester ended, it was decided that both Paul and I needed to work in order to make ends meet – me full time and Paul part-time so he could finish his degree. Paul began working for BYU TV on campus and I started working full time at Clark’s department store in Provo. Paul’s mom worked there as a seamstress and was able to help me get a job. I was a salesperson in the most exclusive dress shop and gift shop in Provo. I became the cosmetic buyer and often did the displays for the gift shop’s tables. I was always having to rearrange them because as soon as I’d get a table done, someone would invariably take something off the table to buy. I guess that was the reason for the displays, so all was good. My favorite customers were the men who would come in to buy something for their wives and end up buying several outfits for them at my suggestion. Of course, I would suggest jewelry and scarves to complete the outfits and most often the men would buy it all. If you shopped at Clark’s you could probably afford a lot.

 Paul’s job was loading the film for the programs to be aired at the station. The station equipment was housed in the fine arts building on campus. He worked mornings and went to school in the afternoons. We only had one car so I often had to take him to work so I could get to Clark’s later when the store opened. One morning I decided to take him to work without getting dressed. I was still in my PJ’s and hadn’t combed my hair or put on any makeup. Of course, it was that morning that I ran out of gas just after I dropped Paul off on campus. I didn’t know what to do except to go get Paul to help me. (No cell phones back then.) I had to walk on campus to the fine arts building, go inside, find Paul and walk all the way back to the car in my PJ’s. Needless to say, since then I have always, at least, gotten dressed before taking anyone anywhere.

Latter, Paul secured a job at the Library where he worked for the computer programming department writing programs for them. He graduated in the Spring of 1967 with his master’s in accountancy. During the semester, before graduation, we took many recruiting trips to companies trying to get Paul to come to work for them.  We went to Houston to interview with Exxon Oil and realized we could never live there because of the humidity. It was so humid that in the morning you could not see outside your windows until at least noon. It took that long for the steam to burn off.  My hair, with its hair sprayed quaff, didn’t fare well at all. Paul was a sweaty mess just walking outside to go to dinner. Not for us. Another trip we went on was to San Francisco to interview with Crown Zellerbach Paper, US Steel, and Standard Oil. For one of the dinners, with some Crown Zellerbach executives and their wives, we were taken to a very upscale restaurant. I thought I looked exquisite in my pink floral linen homemade suit until I got into the car that picked us up and noticed the classy dark shaded dresses that the other women were wearing. I felt so out of place. My suit was fine for Provo, Utah in the spring, but not for the San Francisco business bigwigs. It was a rather uncomfortable evening but Paul was offered the job despite his ‘homemade’ wife.  Paul, also, went to Detroit to interview with Ford Motors and to Los Angeles with Shell Oil. He was offered positions at most places he interviewed but we decided to accept the job with Crown Zellerbach Paper. It seemed to offer more opportunity than just sitting in a cubby hole at corporate offices for your whole career. We could possibly be sent to some of the productions plants to work and that appealed to us. We accepted the $800 a month job and thought we were in the big money after living on a college student’s modest income. 

A career detour was happening in our lives at this same time – the draft. With the Vietnam War in full swing, the government was drafting more and more young men. Paul had had an educational deferment for several years but now with graduation coming up that meant that he was up for selection. His draft number was in the low one hundreds so we knew he would be drafted, for sure. That meant a 2 year commitment in the army as a private and a sure chance of being sent into Vietnam combat. With that looming over us, Paul decided to apply to officer’s training school in the Air Force. A four year commitment as an officer in the Air Force seemed better that a 2 year commitment as a private in the Army. As his application was being processed, he received his draft notice. Immediately, Paul contacted the Army to inform them of his application to Officer's Training school in the Air Force. They deferred his draft notice until the Air Force determined whether or not to accept Paul as an officer candidate. Needless to say, we had a few stressful days wondering if our plan to join the Air Force would really come about. Paul was accepted into Officer's Training and his draft papers were canceled....Thank goodness.

Paul was to report to Lackland Air Force base in November of 1967 so after graduation we began packing up our apartment. We would be moving to the San Francisco area so Paul could report to work with Crown Zellarbach.  We had secured a cute little apartment in Lafayette, just across the bay from San Francisco. With our possessions loaded on the moving van, we began cleaning up our apartment before driving to the bay area. As we were mopping floors, I remember getting a call from my dad. He told me that mom was critically ill in the hospital in Bakersfield, California. He said she had been admitted a week ago and that he hadn’t wanted to worry me. He said I should keep her in my prayers as she was very ill with kidney failure. Of course, prayers were said and we continued cleaning until after dark that evening. We piled in the car and drove to Paul’s parent’s home in Pleasant Grove,where we were going to spend the night, before beginning our drive to Lafayette. When we arrived at their home, everyone was sitting in the living room looking very somber. It was then I was told that my mother had passed away earlier that evening. I was deeply saddened by this but immediately had a calm and peaceful feeling that it would be all right for my Dad and four brothers at home. I even had the impression that an old friend, Rita Bulkeley, would be the one to make it all right. I slept calmly that night remembering all the wonderful things about my mother. 

The next day, Paul and I and the cat headed for Bakersfield, instead of the bay area.  We wanted to get there as soon as possible to be with my dad and my family. Upon arrival, I remember the sweet spirit that was in the home that I grew up in. There was a definite loss felt but, so much loved was expressed to our family, we knew all would be well. The funeral was beautiful and was well attended. The procession line of cars to the cemetery could be seen for miles behind our car. It was a wonderfully sweet tribute to Mom and her goodness. After the funeral, Paul needed to leave for San Francisco to begin work. I felt I needed to stay behind and help Dad as much as possible. I stayed for another week to go through Mom’s things and to organize the home a little for Dad and the boys. It was nice to be around Dad’s calm and reassuring presence. I remember really missing Paul as that had been the longest we had ever been apart.

A week after the funeral, I flew to San Francisco and we settled into our one bedroom apartment at the La Pasada Apartments in Lafayette, California. It was a week or so before the van arrived with our things but, as soon as it did, we got busy creating a home for ourselves, for a few months anyway. Paul loved his job but was gone all day and into the evening. He had to ride the bus into San Francisco so he left before 7 am and didn’t get home again until 7 pm. I wasn’t working so, for the first little while, I explored the area’s shopping, organized the apartment, and found new dishes to cook for dinner. I quickly tired of that and the days became very long for me. To make matters worse, on Saturdays, Paul would pack his golf clubs in the car and take off for a four or five hour golf date with his brother Derrill, who lived in Walnut Creek. I was alone 6 out of the 7 days of the week and that didn’t fare too well with me. I was sleeping too much, gaining lots of weight, and was generally an unhappy person.  Finally, I had had enough and invited myself along on the Saturday golf outings. I would just walk along with them or ride in the cart but at least I wasn’t alone.  Eventually, I began taking a few swings with the clubs  which lead to my taking up golf later on. During the days, I decided to take on a project – to cover our beige couch. I could only cook and clean the little apartment so much in a week and decided I wanted to add some changes to our apartment décor. Of course we had very little extra money so I had to find material that was very cheap. I did just that. The only problem was that it was olive green BURLAP. It was an all consuming project, though.   I cut and sewed and pinned and sewed some more until I had the whole couch covered. It looked really good until you had to sit on it.  The burlap was terribly scratchy and, of course, it wore out pretty fast. At least, it kept me busy and the new look gave me an excuse to change the accent colors of our pictures and table décor.

During the summer, Dad brought the boys up to visit. They had to sleep on the couch and floor and, having only two chairs for our kitchen table, they had to balance their plates on their laps to eat. Despite that, we had a wonderful time, most of which was spent relaxing at the apartment’s pool. I could see, though, that Dad was a bit stressed as he had to leave so much of the responsibility of the younger boys to Ed who was only 16. They were happy when we announced that I would be coming to live with them in November when Paul reported to Officer’s Training School in San Antonio, Texas. I would be staying with them until January so that was something for them all to look forward to. I could take the place of a mom and cook and clean and do laundry but, most importantly, get them through the holidays. Just a note, before Dad left, he went to the store and bought us two folding chairs so we could at least seat four around our table. So sweet.

We only had a 6 months lease on our apartment so, when that ran out, we had to find a place to live that would lease on a month to month basis. We only had 3 months before going into the service. We found an apartment where the front entrance was a sliding glass window. A little strange but we made it home. Losing weight became my focus and I was a much happier person. It wasn’t long before the moving van again came to our home to move our things into storage for the three months Paul would be a OTS in Texas.

In November, we piled ourselves, our cat, and a few things I wanted to take with me and left for Bakersfield. Paul had to report to an Air Force medical facility in Oakland so he flew back up to the bay area after getting me settled. Derrrill met him at the airport, housed him overnight and took him to Oakland so Paul could report for duty. He checked in at 5 am and was soon loaded on a bus that took him to the airport where he boarded a plane to San Antonio, Texas. Paul’s military service had officially begun. He was reporting to Lackland Air Force base where he would start training as a munitions officer. Luckily, within a week of reporting, his accounting background was noticed and he was transferred into the finance department to train as an accounting and finance officer. Someone was looking out for him from above.

Meanwhile, I was at home in Bakersfield playing mom to a Dad and 4 brothers, ages 16, 12, 12, and 8. Dad said that when I walked into their home, Ed, my 16 year old brother, smiled for the first time in 4 months. Finally the pressure on him was off as I could take over the laundry and getting the boys where they needed to be. That had been Ed’s job, as dad had to go to work every day. Dad had hired a cook and housekeeper but that wasn’t a pleasant experience for any of them. I felt really needed when I walked in the door. It was November so the first order of business was to learn to cook a turkey for Thanksgiving dinner. Dad had begun dating as old friend, Rita, and she was a marvelous cook. I relied on her expertise and together we cooked a turkey dinner with all the trimmings. Both her family and ours sat in our living room and shared the feast. Dad was really smitten with Rita and they dated often. I knew he had fallen in love and I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual when they started being together every night. There was many a night where I sat up into the late hours waiting for Dad to come home from a date with Rita. Talk about role reversal.  

Christmas time was approaching and I knew I had to find Christmas presents for everyone and make Christmas as much like it would have been had Mom been there.  Dad wanted me to buy new Sunday clothes for each of the boys so Rita and I went shopping to find pants, shirts, ties and blazers for each of them. We didn’t stop there. We also bought Dad a pair of pants, a sports jacket, a green dress shirt and matching tie. The outfit was so far away from what Dad had always worn. I had never seen him in anything but a dark suit and white shirt and very conservative tie. Rita had such good taste and I was hoping Dad would recognize that and be willing to try his new digs. He did and looked fantastic. 

I wanted to make decorating the tree a special occasion so we invited Rita and spent the evening stringing popcorn and putting it, and the decorations, on the tree. It looked beautiful, especially with Dad’s individually placed icicles that coated every branch. I had some extra time, so I decided to make some homemade decorations for around the house. It was fun to see our home transform into a special place for Christmas. I even painted the living room mirror and the outside bay window with a Christmas scene, as Mom had always done. Mom’s gifts for neighbors and friends had always been her special applesauce cake. I made several batches of her recipe to give away. For Christmas Eve, both families were together. Sonnie and Jim had come down from San Francisco and Deon was home from BYU so the family was complete. We had another big dinner with both families and then put on a talent show complete with singing (the Bulkeley’s have wonderful voices) and dancing (Sonnie’s and Deon’s and my forte). Of course a letter from Santa was found on the doorstep and enjoyed by all. Then as always, the Christmas story from Luke was read and we ended the evening with carols about our Savior’s birth. When the boys went to bed, the wrapping paper was brought out along with all the presents and the next several hours were spent wrapping all the gifts. I spent the last hours of the night arranging the presents around the tree so when the boys came into the living room on Christmas morning everything would be perfect, as it would have been if Mom had been there.  And it was…..

Meanwhile, Paul was very active as a leader during his training at OTS. Always the hard worker and perfectionist, his leadership qualities were soon noticed and he was appointed the Adjadent General of his class. With that he had to do the ‘white glove’ inspections of the troops as well as lead the marching drills. As always he excelled in carrying out his assigned responsibilities.  

Paul was due home in February which left January to get involved in Dad’s marriage to Rita. I decided I wanted to make her a temple dress to be married in. Together, we picked out fabric, trim and a pattern and I spent several days making it for her. Dad and Rita were married in the Los Angeles temple later that month. It was decided that Dad and the boys would move into Rita’s home on Sacramento Drive as it had a pool and a recently added family room. After their honeymoon, we began packing up and moving the family into her home. 

Paul graduated from Officer’s Training School on February 16, 1968. He flew into the LA airport and I drove the 2 hours south to pick him up. What a joyous reunion we had after not seeing each other for three months. He was a second lieutenant now and looked incredibly handsome in his Air Force uniform. We were assigned to Wright Patterson Air Force Base in Fairborn, Ohio, near Dayton, so soon after we returned to Bakersfield, we were off to spend a few days with Paul’s parents in Pleasant Grove, Utah before driving to Ohio. Knowing our old blue and white 57 Ford would have a hard time making the long trip east, while in Utah, we finally traded it in for a 67 green Ford mustang. We drove to Ohio in style, ready to begin a new life together in the Air Force.

We would only be at Wright Patterson Air Force base for 2 months before having to go to Texas for training as an accounting and finance officer. Because of this, we settled into a small apartment in Fairborn which allowed us a month to month lease. We only had one car so, if I wanted to go anywhere, I would take Paul to the base and pick him up at the end of the day. I got my first experience driving in a really bad snow storm on one of those days. It was stop and go traffic as I got close to the base and I remember being afraid every time I had to put on the brakes that I might slide right into the car in front of me. I was very grateful to finally get to Paul’s office so I could turn the driving over to him.

Our trip to Wichita Falls,Texas was in the spring of 1968.  We had no idea what to expect and were surprised to find a city with lots of red dirt roads. We found a small furnished apartment, close to Shepherd Air Force Base, with awful shag carpet, a vinyl couch, and an air cooler. Not the cleanest nor the classiest place but it would only be for 3 months. We soon found we had lots of free time to fill. Crossword puzzles became our craze when we weren’t out on the golf course. The base had a beautiful 18 hole officer’s golf course and, for four dollars a month, we could golf as often as we wanted. Needless to say we golfed a lot. Paul would go to school at 6 in the morning and be done by noon. Every afternoon, except Sunday, we would golf 18 holes. We bought me my first set of golf clubs and read many ‘how to improve your golf game’ books. We spent lots of time at the driving range practicing our swings and trying to correct the inevitable slice. We had never been in better shape physically as then nor had our golf game ever been as good. I guess it takes playing every day to perfect the game. Paul’s scores were always better than mine but, by the end of our three month stay, my score was getting pretty close to his. In fact, on one round, we were tied going into the last hole. My ball was close to the pin and I claimed a ‘gimmie’.  Of course, Paul said that I had to putt it in. I missed the putt, putting me behind Paul’s score by one. (He tells the story differently but I’m writing this history.)  We also went to many movies on base, for a dollar a piece, and spent time at the Officer’s club swimming pool. Quite the life.

While in Texas, Paul’s brother got married in California. We flew to Los Angeles to be in attendance and so Paul could stand in as Derrill’s best man. The wedding was held in a Catholic church as Irene was not a member of the LDS church. yet. The reception was held in a backyard and was lovely. We were surprised, though, when champagne was served to toast the newly married couple. Of course, we refused it but it was a little awkward. My Mom and Dad came to the reception, which was a nice surprise.

When our 3 months was up in Texas, we headed back to Wright Patterson Air Force base in Ohio. On our trip, we stopped at the Merimac caverns and took a tour of them. We thoroughly enjoyed what we saw – beautiful rock formations deep underground. Upon arriving in Ohio, we found a two bedroom apartment in Kettering, a suburb of Dayton, and about 20 minutes from the base. We finally unpacked our own furniture and set up a home with our personal things. We were on the ground level with an apartment above. The people upstairs were sometimes pretty noisy and heavy on their feet. My expensive crystal goblets were carefully unpacked and placed in an upper cupboard. It wasn’t long before I noticed little chips along the edge of each goblet caused by them moving together due to the vibrations from upstairs. A little upsetting. We loved Kettering, a lot due to our ward and the friends we made. Our bishop was Bishop Peterson whom we immediately came to love, along with his wife, Roberta. They were such genuine people. We served where ever we were called while in that ward. Paul was called to be the Young Men’s president and I worked in the Young Women's which meant we attended lots of activities and stake dances together.

We became close friends with the Ted and Judy Kehl and the Ken and Diane Fowler.  We were often together. We spent many a weekend at their homes, having dinner, watching football games, and playing in their backyards. They had both purchased homes complete with backyards, a nice change from our apartment. The Kehls had a little baby, of which we loved, but holding him made us sad as we were still unable to get pregnant. Before we left Kettering, the Fowler’s also had a baby, making it doubly hard. I hated Mother’s day back then.  

On one long weekend, we went with the Kehls to Washington D.C. to see the sights. We had a great time seeing the Capitol building, the White House, the Washington Monument, and the Lincoln Memorial. We just happened to pick a weekend when there was a big protest parade planned outside the White House. We got angry when we saw a group of protesters walking through the reflection pool at the Washington Monument, showing no respect for this beautiful historical site. One afternoon, we drove out to Mount Vernon, the home of George Washington. It was a beautiful setting on the banks of the Potomac river. From there, we went to the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier to watch the changing of the guards. We walked through Arlington cemetery and then visited President John F. Kennedy's grave site where the eternal flame burns. Robert Kennedy was buried there, too, with a white cross marking his grave.

Paul commuted each day to the base and I commuted, via the bus, to downtown Dayton for my job as a Medical Assistant to a Dr. Jarrett. It was a good job except the doctor was not the most honest of people. I was responsible for giving allergy shots to patients who needed them and occasionally their vaccine would not have arrived when the patients came for their appointment. Dr. Jarrett would have me just inject sterile water which would not hurt the patient but did not give them the serum needed to help their allergies. Of course, I had to charge them for the cost of the shot, even though, I had given them only sterile water. Dr. Jarrett was also not the most moral person. He made passes to our receptionists all the time. According to one receptionist, he was disappointed when he found out I was a Mormon because he knew he couldn't get away with anything with me. The receptionist and myself both finally quit when things got too unbearable. Once I quit, I had time to do some homemaking things like baking bread. I took my time each week to bake bread and it was appreciated for a few weeks. One day, I had to buy bread because I hadn't got around to making it for the week. Paul made the mistake of talking about how wonderful the store bought bread was. Consequently, I vowed not to bake bread again and I didn't until we had children. 

Part of being in the Air Force and being an officer required that we had attend many cocktail parties, at the officer's club, with the top officers of the base. We hated this part of the service. The top ranking officers would line up at the door and we would have to greet each of them in the reception line. As the party progressed, everyone would drink a lot and we just didn't feel comfortable in those setting. We finally got to the point that we would dress up, Paul in his mess dress and me in a cocktail type dress. We would go through the reception line, making sure all of Paul's superior officers saw him. We would then duck out the back door and go to a movie or something. We were never missed. 

At the time we were in Dayton, Sonnie and Jim lived in Chicago. Jim was working on his doctorate in communication and speech at North Western University. They came to visit us one Christmas and we went to visit them twice. The first time we visited, we toured downtown Chicago and the surrounding areas. We ended up at Lake Michigan where Jim played fetch with his dog for hours. The second time we visited, we spent time sailing on Lake Michigan in Sonnie and Jim's new (new to them) wooden sailboat. It was great while we were sailing with the wind. As we started 'tacking' our way back, we thought we'd never get back to shore. Tacking meant we would zig zag to catch the wind currents so we sailed twice the distance to get back to where we started. We also attended a baseball game with the Chicago Cubs.

While in Dayton, Ohio we took a couple of trips across country to see family. Each time we would stop at Paul's parents and then travel on to California to visit his sister and my parents. The hardest of these trips was leaving Dayton for good, after Paul received his orders to go to Vietnam to help in the war effort. He would be gone a year so we decided it would be best if I spent the time in Utah. I would stay with his parents and continue my education at BYU. On our trip to Utah that time, we took a different route. We decided to see some church historical sites so we arranged our travel to visit Nauvoo and Carthage. From there, we traveled through South Dakota to the Black hills where we saw the four U.S. Presidents heads carved into the side of the mountain, as well as Crazy Horse. We spent the night there so we could experience the light show presented after dark. We traveled on through Yellowstone National Park as saw the many geysers and magnificent falls. Incredible beauty, for sure. All too soon, we were in Utah and it was time to say good bye for a year - wondering every day if he would return home safe to me.